The Night that Pinterest Failed.....

As a working mom I battle the ever present feelings of guilt for missing out on my children's daytime moments.  By the time I reach home, I am exhausted and hungry and grumpy, with precious little left to dedicate to my babies.  With Peyt climbing the pantry shelves and Maddy and Trav fighting over whether to watch Sponge bob or Scooby Doo, my patience is quickly lost and I end up LOOSING it on one or all of my children....  AND enter the GUILT monster. 

Tonight I made a conscious decision to do better.  I can't keep falling into the same rut- or this is at least what I tell myself as I drive away from work and head out to pick up the boys.  We drive to the store with a grocery list which includes ingredients for a  Pinterest recipe I have been eying for awhile. Home made cheezits.

 There is something you have to understand... You could NOT grow up in my father's house without liking the delicious, crunchy, salty mini cracker known as a cheezit..  My father has passed this snack food addiction down to my own dear children.  He even keeps a box of the cheesy snacks in his pantry most weeks " for the kids"  sure dad... sure **wink wink**

I digress...  This evening I was determined to make it through the evening AND accomplishing a few simple things;

1.  Make dinner, from scratch for the family
2.  Make lunch , from scratch for myself ( so that I don't give into my Panera cravings )
3. Ensure that the TV stayed off for the duration of the evening
4.  Make homemade cheezits with the kiddos

With number 1, 2 and 3 accomplished, I cleaned up the kitchen in preparation for the cheesy baking to begin... 

Peyt, the wild child watching from the counter.. apparently pretending to be a puppy...

 We followed the recipe to a T... we rolled out the cheese dough... we cut them into shapes and poked holes in them to allow air to vent.  We salted them with sea salt and then placed them in the oven to bake into yummy cheesy crackery goodness...

While we waited for our cheezits to bake we went into the eerily quiet living room to listen to Maddy read to us... ( As you remember, I was very determined to keep the television OFF )

 

The timer dinged 8 minutes later and I pulled the crackers out to cool....

 

Then it was test tasting time....  Please check out the faces of my children to see if the crackers were IN FACT a success or a failure....

 

 

So, tonight Pintrest failed the Rustay family.  It did not provide us with a "healthier" non preservative filled replacement for our favorite crackers...  But we did HAVE FUN tonight, we did spend time together without meltdowns from either mommy or the kiddos... In my book, this makes tonight a successful evening.  Maybe.. just maybe... this is a bend in the road.  Maybe I can stop feeling so super guilty everyday when I look at the kids and see my failures in the form of time missed out on and things not accomplished. 

We can look back on tonight and say, Remember that night we made those super YUCKY crackers??  That was fun!  I can strive to make more evenings like tonight a reality.  Or maybe I can try to find that happy medium I have heard so many people talk about...  Either way I have a feeling there is a trip to the grocery store for real cheezits in my future!!

With Faith Like a Child

As I write this, I am sitting outside on the porch under the dappled sunlight filtering through the branches above.  I hear the gleeful laughter and shouts of my children as they take turns bouncing each other and leaping from side to side of their trampoline.  

They find unspeakable joy in the act of bouncing up and down.  They enjoy the moment their stomach flip flops as in that moment they are air born.  It strikes me suddenly and with stark clarity that I can learn from my children...

Life being the insane, wild, ever changing ride that it is, our family has been through quite a few loops over the past couple of months.  Through them, I have been "soldiering through", doing every thing in MY power to get through the day,the week and sometimes the hour...

After a month or so of this, I got to the point where I couldn't make it any further.  The mental and physical strain of sickness and lack of sleep made it hard for me to even make it out of bed.  In that terrible moment, I heard God speaking to me.  "Give me your problems Rach.  You don't have to do this on your own.  In fact you CANNOT do this, but I can."

In this supremely humbling moment, I realized something truly embarrassing and horrifying... Not ONCE had I gone to my Father for the help I so desperately needed.  For the past year, I had gone on living a comfortable existence, not depending on anyone or needing anything.  When small obstacles got in the way, I worked through them without even thinking about it.  That is, until I hit this brick wall...

After that day, my eyes have been opened.  I see God's hand everywhere and I am truly depending on him everyday.  He speaks to me in so many ways, especially through the music I hear throughout the day.  Matt Maher will be on the radio singing,

"And when I cannot stand, I'll fall on you, Jesus you're my hope and stay.

Lord I NEED You, oh I need You.  Every hour I need You."

Or as in the case of today, we sang "Give Me Faith"  I wanted to cry as I heard the words.

" I need You to soften my heart, to break me apart.  I need You to open my eyes, to see that You are shaping my life."

Do you remember wayyyyyyy back at the beginning of this post?  I said I am learning from my children.  They fully trust that every time they soar high into the air, their feet will always find a safe place to land.  They trust with no thought, they are confident in EVERY way.  As they soar in the air without aim, so do I soar through life head on with no breaks.  How is it that I find my full faith lacking.  My loving Father will always find a safe place for me to land.   I have been floating along for so long.  I am here now, admitting that without Him I have NOTHING.  

Since this earth shattering realization, life on the outside has not changed very much.  The trials and tribulations that we ALL face are still there,  but I am here to say that My God has supplied the strength and joy that I am lacking and THAT, my friends, is something to be joyful about!