Sunday, April 21, 2013

With Faith Like a Child

As I write this, I am sitting outside on the porch under the dappled sunlight filtering through the branches above.  I hear the gleeful laughter and shouts of my children as they take turns bouncing each other and leaping from side to side of their trampoline.  

They find unspeakable joy in the act of bouncing up and down.  They enjoy the moment their stomach flip flops as in that moment they are air born.  It strikes me suddenly and with stark clarity that I can learn from my children...

Life being the insane, wild, ever changing ride that it is, our family has been through quite a few loops over the past couple of months.  Through them, I have been "soldiering through", doing every thing in MY power to get through the day,the week and sometimes the hour...

After a month or so of this, I got to the point where I couldn't make it any further.  The mental and physical strain of sickness and lack of sleep made it hard for me to even make it out of bed.  In that terrible moment, I heard God speaking to me.  "Give me your problems Rach.  You don't have to do this on your own.  In fact you CANNOT do this, but I can."

In this supremely humbling moment, I realized something truly embarrassing and horrifying... Not ONCE had I gone to my Father for the help I so desperately needed.  For the past year, I had gone on living a comfortable existence, not depending on anyone or needing anything.  When small obstacles got in the way, I worked through them without even thinking about it.  That is, until I hit this brick wall...

After that day, my eyes have been opened.  I see God's hand everywhere and I am truly depending on him everyday.  He speaks to me in so many ways, especially through the music I hear throughout the day.  Matt Maher will be on the radio singing,

"And when I cannot stand, I'll fall on you, Jesus you're my hope and stay.
Lord I NEED You, oh I need You.  Every hour I need You."

Or as in the case of today, we sang "Give Me Faith"  I wanted to cry as I heard the words.

" I need You to soften my heart, to break me apart.  I need You to open my eyes, to see that You are shaping my life."

Do you remember wayyyyyyy back at the beginning of this post?  I said I am learning from my children.  They fully trust that every time they soar high into the air, their feet will always find a safe place to land.  They trust with no thought, they are confident in EVERY way.  As they soar in the air without aim, so do I soar through life head on with no breaks.  How is it that I find my full faith lacking.  My loving Father will always find a safe place for me to land.   I have been floating along for so long.  I am here now, admitting that without Him I have NOTHING.  

Since this earth shattering realization, life on the outside has not changed very much.  The trials and tribulations that we ALL face are still there,  but I am here to say that My God has supplied the strength and joy that I am lacking and THAT, my friends, is something to be joyful about!